


Coping Mechanisms

by bluemoonblues



Series: If You Need Me [2]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Age Play, Crying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, Non-Sexual Age Play, Thumb-sucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21756052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemoonblues/pseuds/bluemoonblues
Summary: Tony finds a way to deal with his stress that actually works. Only problem is, Gibbs finds out about it.
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo & Jethro Gibbs
Series: If You Need Me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564711
Comments: 5
Kudos: 140





	Coping Mechanisms

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I always make Tony cry? I promise in the next one I’ll try to be nice!

The weeks after DiNozzo received the letter from his father, he was constantly on edge, preparing for a threat that he logically knew wasn’t there. Gibbs had pulled some strings and called in a few favors to find out which illegal source his dad had used to find out where he lived and made sure that said source was shut down. Then, Gibbs had made sure that the letter, unopened by DiNozzo, was returned with a big red stamp on it that said “Return to Sender — Recipient No Longer At This Address.”

However, even though DiNozzo knew he no longer had a reason to worry, he still found himself struggling with anxiety. It had gotten bad enough that Tony had even had a panic attack; thankfully, in the privacy of his own home where he could curl up afterwards and cry in peace. Every day, he went to work with a stomach ache from the force of his anxiety, and the parameters of his job didn’t exactly help to calm his nerves.

Nearing his breaking point, DiNozzo started searching for coping mechanisms. He knew he couldn’t reasonably keep doing his job like this and he was worried that he’d end up becoming a liability and getting fired as a result. Having just gotten the hang of the job, DiNozzo certainly didn’t want to lose it.

He tried breathing exercises, which worked a little for imminent panic but did nothing for his long-term stress.

He tried meditation, which was, in his opinion, just glorified breathing exercises. No luck, and he felt stupid to boot.

He tried “natural remedies” such as drinking strange herbal teas every morning and taking vitamin supplements.

He tried exercise, changing his diet, going to bed earlier whenever he could, cutting back on alcohol. Nothing worked.

Then, he stumbled upon an... unorthodox coping mechanism on an online forum for people who had been through childhood trauma. On the site, users claimed it helped not only with issues from their childhood, but with adult stress as well. As he read, he was embarrassed by how much he wanted to try it.

It was called age regression. Adults would go into a “headspace” where they acted much, much younger than their actual age.

At first, Tony was reluctant to indulge in such an embarrassing practice. However, as his anxiety grew worse and worse, he came to his wits end. As he saw it, age regression was a last resort and he was at the point of falling back on a last resort. Plus, no one ever had to know; he’d keep it an absolute secret.

He had an old baby blanket from his childhood, tucked away in a small box with other valuable belongings he’d kept from his youth such as pictures of his mom and movie ticket stubs. He’d slept with the blanket until he was twelve years old, hiding it under his pillow so his father wouldn’t know. Eventually, Tony’s father had barged into his room while he was sleeping and discovered the blanket in his grasp, and berated him so severely for still sleeping with such a babyish item that Tony had put it away forever, never looking back. That was, until now. He pulled it out, inhaling its familiar scent deeply, surprised as he immediately felt his anxiety loosen its grip on him.

Reasonably, Tony knew he should wash his blanket. It had been years since the item had been washed, but after so long without it, Tony couldn’t bear to part with it for the hour it would take for it to go through the washer and dryer.

Instead, he lay down in his bed and held the blue fabric against his face, rubbing the silky edges above his lip. After some time, Tony hesitantly slipped his thumb into his mouth and began to suck, sinking into the mattress as his muscles loosened and his eyes slipped shut.

He fell asleep like this, blanket tangled in his fist and thumb in his mouth, more relaxed than he’d been in weeks.

The difference was even more astounding in the morning when DiNozzo awoke refreshed for the first time in weeks. He went to work that day without a stomach ache and he was more focused than he’d ever been before, being responsible for finding a small detail that everyone else had missed in the current case, causing a breakthrough that would help them solve it.

Tony began to sleep with his blanket every night, falling asleep with his thumb planted firmly in his mouth, the silky edge of his blanket against his lip as his fist bobbed under his nose.

Then, he began extending his sessions, curling up in front of the television thirty minutes before bed with his blanket and his thumb, watching old cartoons until his eyes would begin to droop.

Gibbs noticed the difference, of course; the older man was extremely perceptive, and had noted the change in DiNozzo almost immediately.

“Joined a yoga class or something, DiNozzo?” Gibbs joked one day.

“Something like that,” DiNozzo replied, smiling slightly.

“Well, whatever it is, keep it up,” Gibbs replied.

_ You don’t have to worry, Boss,  _ DiNozzo thought to himself.  _ I definitely won’t be giving this up. _

* * *

It all came crashing down when DiNozzo didn’t pick up his phone.

He’d accidentally turned it on silent and had left it in his bedroom as he lay on his couch, blanket in hand and thumb in mouth, dozing as the television played quietly in the background.

DiNozzo didn’t hear the front door open until it was too late, eyes flying open to meet the shocked eyes of his boss.

“Uh,” Gibbs said.

DiNozzo yanked his thumb out of his mouth and shoved his blanket into his couch, wide eyes never leaving Gibbs’.

“Boss! What are you doing here!” he squeaked, heartbeat ratcheting up rapidly.

“You didn’t answer your phone,” Gibbs replied, face blank and voice emotionless. He held up the key DiNozzo had given him in case of an emergency. “I used my key.”

“Oh,” DiNozzo breathed, mentally smacking himself. He should’ve known better than to leave his phone in the other room, no matter what headspace he was in.

“I’ll call the Director and get someone else to take over the case,” Gibbs stated, face displaying the shock he felt. Walking out of the room, he pulled out his phone and muttered, “Give me a second.”

DiNozzo didn’t even argue that Gibbs didn’t need to do that, because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to work on a case after this. His heartbeat wouldn’t slow down and his face felt like it was on fire. He brought a trembling hand to his cheek just to make sure it  _ wasn’t  _ on fire.

Gibbs returned to the living room and DiNozzo immediately blurted, “Boss, I can explain.”

Gibbs looked at him and raised his eyebrows, waiting for DiNozzo to do just that. DiNozzo opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.

“Okay, I’m gonna be honest, there’s no explanation I can give you that will make this not weird,” DiNozzo eventually replied, squeezing his trembling hands together in his lap.

Gibbs walked toward him and DiNozzo involuntarily flinched, preparing for a blow. “I’m not gonna  _ hit  _ you, DiNozzo,” Gibbs said, frowning as he took a seat on the other end of the couch.

“Sorry,” DiNozzo mumbled, cheeks still aflame. He actually wished that the earth would open up and swallow him whole. He’d never understood that saying before, but now he definitely got it.

“Rule six.”

“Right,” DiNozzo replied, though he privately thought that he already looked very weak right now and apologizing couldn’t possibly make it any worse.

“So… This what you’ve been doing that’s calmed you down so much?” Gibbs asked, arm resting over the back of the couch. It was then that DiNozzo realized that he still had a Disney movie playing on the television. He quickly grabbed the remote and flipped to a random channel.

“...Yeah,” DiNozzo replied, unable to make himself look anywhere near the direction of Gibbs. “It’s, uh… called age regression.”

“So you just act like a little kid at the end of the day?” Gibbs asked, and DiNozzo nodded, biting his lip.

“Basically. It’s something a lot of people with crappy childhoods do,” DiNozzo said, grabbing a corner of his blanket and squeezing it, needing the comfort it gave him. He’d already lost most of his dignity, what was a little more?

DiNozzo could feel Gibbs’ eyes on him as he subtly rubbed the silk lining of his blanket, but at this point, he couldn’t make himself care. His stomach was cramping and he felt like he might vomit, his throat feeling uncomfortably thick.

“It helps?” Gibbs asked.

Tony nodded immediately, suddenly not trusting himself to talk. His throat was growing tighter and tighter.

“Well, alright then,” Gibbs said. “It helps. No reason to make a big deal out of it.”

Tony looked at Gibbs like he’d grown an extra head. “You don’t think it’s  _ weird?” _

“Well, yeah, I think it’s weird,” Gibbs replied. “Most people also think it’s weird that I build boats in my basement. Hasn’t stopped me.”

Tony bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to get his eyes to stop watering. “So you’re not gonna fire me?”

“For what?” Gibbs asked. “You haven’t  _ done  _ anything, Tony. In fact, you’ve been doing your job  _ better _ as a result of this _. _ ”

“You could fire me for being a freak,” Tony mumbled, voice thick. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was about to burst into tears, and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to do just that.

“You’re not a freak, Tony,” Gibbs insisted. “As far as coping mechanisms go, there’s plenty out there that are much worse. You could be an alcoholic.”

Tony didn’t respond, eyes brimming with tears until one finally slipped down his cheek.

“Aw, Tony,” Gibbs sighed, patting his shoulder. “Don’t do that. It’s  _ okay _ .”

Tony pulled his blanket out of the couch and stuffed his face in it, crying harder. He felt the cushions shift and arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. He shuddered and cried into Gibbs’ chest, unable to make himself stop. He knew he shouldn’t be little right now, but he couldn’t get big no matter how hard he tried.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Gibbs said. “You’re okay, Tony. I’m not firing you. You don’t need to cry, kid.”

“ _ Should _ be fired,” Tony cried harder, hiccuping into Gibbs chest.

“No, you shouldn’t. You’re great at what you do, Tony, and if this is what you need to do to cope with the job, then so be it,” Gibbs replied, rubbing his back in soothing circles. “I’m not going to punish you for finding comfort through something legal, if a little bit unconventional.”

Tony didn’t respond, but continued to cry for a few minutes, unable to stop himself. He didn’t quit until he was too worn out to continue.

“That’s it, kid,” Gibbs coaxed, still rubbing his back. “Deep breaths. There we go.”

Tony pulled himself away from Gibbs’ chest and took a few deep, shuddering breaths. He hiccuped every couple of seconds, but his tears stopped.

“You need some water?” Gibbs asked.

Tony shrugged, rubbing at his puffy eyes.

“I’ll be right back,” Gibbs said, standing from the couch and walking into Tony’s kitchen. While he was gone, Tony grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around his fist, shoving his thumb in his mouth and stroking the soft silk edge of his blanket over his lip, desperate for comfort.

When Gibbs came back with a cup full of water, Tony pulled his thumb out of his mouth.

“You can… do that, if you need to, Tony,” Gibbs assured him, sitting back down on the couch. “First, I’d like you to drink some water, but after that, I don’t mind.”

Gibbs held out the cup of water and Tony took it into shaking hands, taking a few small sips before handing it back to the older man. Gibbs set it on the coffee table in front of them and Tony shoved his thumb back in his mouth.

“What were you watching earlier?” Gibbs asked. Tony grabbed the remote and pressed the  _ last  _ button, putting  _ Hercules _ back on the television.

“Huh,” Gibbs remarked. “I don’t think I’ve seen this one.”

“‘S good,” Tony mumbled around his thumb.

“Well, I’ll have to see about that,” Gibbs replied, watching the screen.

Tony watched the movie for a bit and was feeling his eyes start to grow heavy by the time Gibbs spoke again. “Hey, Tony?”

“Mhm?” Tony said.

“If you want, you can come to me when you… do this, okay?” Gibbs offered. “I don’t mind taking care of you. My door is always unlocked.”

Tony looked at him in surprise, ready for Gibbs to say that he was just kidding, and Tony was actually fired, but he saw nothing but earnestness and just a hint of melancholy on the older man’s face.

“‘Kay,” Tony replied, voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you, Gibbs.”

“Don’t mention it, kid,” Gibbs replied, giving him a gentle smile.


End file.
